What do you get your favorite MLB player with an eight-figure contract?  Here I give them what they really need!

With Christmas just being a few days away, I thought it would be a good time to give the key players on the Mets a little gift.

Jose Reyes – A new glove so he can throw away the one he used in 2008 when he turned into a worse fielder than Hanley Ramirez.

Ryan Church – More fastballs.  Last year he saw a fastball just 50.7 percent of the time, which would have been the third fewest total in the majors if he had enough at-bats to qualify.

David Wright – A dozen at-bats against Scott Schoeneweis.  Last year Wright hit .382/.497/.682 versus southpaws and it’s amazing to think what he could do against old pal Schoeneweis.

Carlos Beltran – A day when every newspaper in the city writes an article about what a tremendous all-around player he is.  Just because he didn’t come up through the system like Reyes and Wright is no reason for fans not to appreciate his fantastic talents.

Carlos Delgado – A season in which he posts a career average in BABIP.  He notched a .338 mark in that category in his year with the Marlins but since joining the Mets his highest mark is .290 while he has a lifetime .309 average in the category.

Daniel Murphy – 600 at-bats.  Everything else will take care of itself.

Luis Castillo – A trade to a city where they won’t boo him because the GM handed him a four-year contract.  Castillo seems like a decent guy and he shouldn’t be held accountable for someone else’s mistake.

Brian Schneider – A full season of his August at-bats.  I still can’t believe he had a .286/.365/.536 line that month.

Johan Santana – He already got his gift with a new bullpen that should cut down on his no decisions.

Mike Pelfrey – His minor league strikeout rates.  If Pelfrey could average the 6.8 K/9 that he did in Triple-A (to say nothing of the marks over 10 he posted in 2006) he would be an All-Star candidate.

John Maine – A healthy rotator cuff.  I’ll even give him mine, since it’s got very low mileage on it.

Jon Niese – A ticket to Triple-A to start the 2009 season.  This may seem cruel but the team will be in much better shape if Niese is the sixth starter rather than the fifth.  I am a big fan of Niese and think if everything breaks right he could be a number-two starter.  But I’d feel better if he had a little more seasoning.

Francisco Rodriguez – A 95-mph fastball in his first appearance with the Mets, so he doesn’t have to hear any more about his declining velocity.

J.J. Putz – A key strikeout in the home opener so he can feel the love he’ll soak up all season from the grateful fans.  Saves aren’t everything, J.J.

Duaner Sanchez – His 2006 fastball.  How great would it be to see “Dirty” throwing 96 again?

Pedro Feliciano – A steady diet of lefty batters.

Sean Green – Better results in New York than the last guy who played here with that name.

Connor Robertson – The confidence to get major league hitters out with that slider.

Fernando Tatis – Another season with a .345 BABIP.

Jerry Manuel – The intestinal fortitude to play Daniel Murphy everyday at second base.

Omar Minaya – The vision to create a bench comprised of something other than catchers and second basemen

*****

And to readers of New York Mets Online, I’d like to wish a full season from Chase Utley.  Now, that may seem an odd request, but I don’t want the Phillies to have a single excuse when we leave them in the dust this season.

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